Dark Side: Learning to Recognize and Handle the Emotions Within
and Around You -- Dave Decker, MA (special order from Dave
- print .pdf form).
the Violence: A Group Model To Change Men's Abusive Attitudes
and Behaviors -- Dave Decker, MA (special order from Dave-
print .pdf form).
click here to order from Amazon.com
the Violence: The Client Workbook -- Dave Decker, MA (special
order from Dave - print .pdf form).
click here to order from Amazon.com
FILM!! "THAT'S ENOUGH!" -- a film by Mike
Obsatz and Jack Revheim
Stalemate to Soulmate: A Guide to Mature, Committed, Loving
Relationships -- Mike Obsatz
Our Anger: 7 Ways to Make Peace in a Hostile World -- Mike
Nonviolent Children in a Violent World: A Family Handbook --
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful -- Janis Abrahms Spring
Kills : Seventeen Strategies for Controlling the Hostility
That Can Harm Your Health -- Redford Williams, Virginia
The Misunderstood Emotion -- Carol Tavris
Dance of Anger : A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of
Intimate Relationships -- Harriet Lerner
Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond From a Vindictive Ex -- Richard A. Warshak
Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ -- Daniel
Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns
and Reclaiming Yourself -- Beverly Engel
Shame : Families in Recovery -- Merle A. Fossum and Marilyn
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate -- Gary Chapman
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence -- Gavin de Becker
How Can I Forgive You: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To -- Janis Abrahms Spring and Michael Spring
How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women -- Terrence Real
Don't Want to Talk About It : Overcoming the Secret Legacy
of Male Depression -- Terrence Real
Love and In Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive
Relationships -- Barrie Levy
Not “Just Friends:” Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity -- Shirley Glass with Jean Coppock Staehili
to People Like Us : Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages --
Susan Weitzman Ph.D.
The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships -- John Gottman and Joan DeClaire
Rage and Aggressive Driving : Steering Clear of Highway Warfare --
Leon James, Diane Nahl
The Seven Principles For Making Marriages Work -- John Gottman and Nan Silver
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships -- Daniel Goleman
Parents : Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your
Life -- Susan Forward with Craig Buck
Your Anger : A Woman's Guide to Empowerment -- Sandra
Thomas, Cheryl Jefferson
Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How
to Respond -- Patricia Evans
Love Goes Wrong : What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right --
Ann Jones, Susan Schechter
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men -- Lundy Bancroft
Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen -- David Walsh
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail...And How You Can Make Yours Last -- John Gottman
You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation -- Deborah Tannen
Videos Depicting Control, Shame, Anger and Abuse
Cry For Help: The Tracy Thurman Story (1989) starring Nancy
McKeon and Dale Midkiff (can be seen on cable TV). A Torrington,
Connecticut woman sues the police in 1983 for allowing her
abusive estranged husband to stalk and eventually brutally
beat and stab her despite her repeated attempts to protect
herself by calling the police and using the legal system as
it was intended to be used.
starring Karen Grassle, Mike Farrell, LeVar Burton, Howard Duff,
and Joan Blondell (Hearst Entertainment): can be seen on cable
TV This video presents a tale of three different couples
of different ages, backgrounds, and circumstances where domestic
abuse is occurring.
Burning Bed (Farrah Fawcett, Paul LeMat); Anchor Bay Entertainment
(1995) The story of Francine Hughes, who set fire to her
house and her ex-husband, Mickey, after years of horrendous
beatings and relentless stalking. She was eventually found "not
guilty" by reason of temporary insanity.
Color Purple (Danny Glover, Whoopi Goldberg); Warner Brothers
(1985) The story of a black woman who grows up in the early
decades of the twentieth century in the rural South. She marries
a man who womanizes, isolates her from her long-lost sister,
and controls her in every way imaginable, including being emotionally,
verbally, and physically abusive with her.
Time On Maple Drive (1992) starring James B. Sikking, Bibi
Besch, and Jim Carrey (Link to Blockbuster) A story about
the impact of years of secrets and lies on two generations
of a shame- based family. It includes an especially powerful
scene where family members finally talk openly about the unhealthy
dynamics of the system and its effect on their thoughts and
behaviors in the present.
starring Dennis Weaver (Universal City Studios) A traveling
salesman does something on the highway to offend the driver of
an enormous tractor trailer truck, which leads to a terrifying
road rage incident where the salesman is nearly killed by the
unseen and completely anonymous truck driver.
from Terror: The Teresa Stamper Story (Adam Storke, Maria
to Blockbuster Rental description) (can be seen on cable
TV) An estranged husband, who has been verbally and physically
abused, stalks and then kidnaps his Oklahoma wife after shooting
Nine Seconds (1997) (Hearst Entertainment):can be seen
on cable TV The story of a reporter, who grew up in an
abusive family herself, who goes undercover at a crisis phone
line to research an article on domestic abuse. She becomes
involved with two battered women through her work there. One
is the wife of an insurance executive, whose husband is just
returning from an 18-month prison term for beating her with
a golf club. The other is a 16-year-old who is flattered to
be going out with an older man whose boyfriend is continually
pressuring her to have sex and is verbally and physically abusive.
Great Santini (Robert Duvall, Blythe Danner); (1980) A
story about "Bull" Meechum, an ace Marine fighter pilot, modelled
after author Pat Conroy's father, who is a warrior without
a war to fight in 1962. In the video, he expects his children
to behave in the same way his soldiers do and acts out his
own insecurities with his wife and children through explosive
anger, abusive and violent behavior, and an intense desire
Never Sang for My Father (Gene Hackman, Melvyn Douglas);
Columbia Tristar (1969) This video tells the story of a
father, who was driven, shaming, and abusive with his children
because of his own tormented youth, and his 44-year-old son,
who has never been able to truly separate from his father and
live a life of his own. The film culminates with a powerful
confrontation between son and father about the son's desire
to move away to California and marry the woman he loves, where,
for the first time, the son is able to assert himself with
his father despite his father's attempts to shame and control
Dearest (Faye Dunaway, Steve Forrest); Paramount Pictures
(1981) The story of the relationship between movie star
Joan Crawford and her adopted daughter Christina from a best-selling
memoir by Christina, which tells a tale of Joan's insecurities,
alcohol binges, and emotional, verbal, and physical abuse of
One Would Tell (Fred Savage, Candace Cameron); (1996) (link
to Blockbuster Rental description) (can be seen on cable
TV) An adolescent girl falls for the high school
"hunk," only to discover later that he is, in fact, controlling
and physically abusive.
Were Warriors (Rena Owen, Tamuera Morrison); Fine Line
Features (1995) A husband and wife, both Maori and living
in a housing development in New Zealand, struggle with his
alcohol binges and the emotional neglect and verbal and physical
abuse that follows when he drinks.
People (1980) starring Donald Sutherland, Mary Tyler-Moore,
and Timothy Hutton (Paramount Pictures) This story focuses
on a "normal" suburban family that experiences a
gut-wrenching tragedy when the older son dies in a boating
accident. The emotional turmoil centers around the mother,
who loved her older son more than her younger one, and is unable
and unwilling to connect with her younger son in any meaningful
way. It includes a powerful scene where the father finally
confronts his wife with the cold and steely shaming that she
is doing to their remaining son and realizes, at long last,
that she is incapable of really giving emotionally of herself
to him or their son.
and Marriage - The Rideout Case (Linda Hamilton, Mickey
Rourke, Rip Torn); (1980) (link to Blockbuster) A video
that portrays the events surrounding the infamous 1978 husband-wife
rape case in Oregon.
for Bobby Fischer (1994) starring Joe Montegna, Laurence
Fishburne, Joan Allen, Max Pomeranc, and Ben Kingsley (Paramount
Pictures) The story of a young boy who is a chess prodigy
and the shaming and control he endures at the hands of his
prickly tutor whose "win at all cost" mentality flies
in the face of the boy's emotional and sensitive nature.
Dreams (Lindsey Wagner, Michael Nouri) (link to Blockbuster.com) The
story of John and Charlotte Fedders, from Charlotte's book,
that talks about their life together through John's work as
a Wall Street attorney and as "top cop" of Ronald Reagan's
Securities and Exchange Commission and the battering that she
experienced throughout their marriage. The video offers an
excellent example of the "cycle of violence,"
clearly demonstrating the escalation, explosion, and deception
phases around the first violent incident in their relationship
when John slaps Charlotte and breaks her eardrum.
With the Enemy (Julia Roberts, Patrick Bergin); 20th Century
Fox (1991) This video, particularly in the first 20-30
minutes, portrays the compulsivity, control, and violence in
a upscale battering relationship and the humiliating, demeaning,
and terrifying atmosphere in which a battered woman lives.
It also clearly demonstrates the careful planning necessary
to leave a battering relationship.
Blade (1996) starring Billy Bob Thornton, Dwight Yoakam,
J.T. Walsh, and John Ritter (Miramax Films) The story of
a retarded man who, after being released from an institution
for killing his mother and her lover, comes to live with a
woman and her son. The woman's boyfriend is entitled, shaming,
hostile, and abusive, particularly with her son.
Boy's Life (Robert De Niro, Ellen Barkin); Warner Brothers
(1993) (link to Borders.com) This Boy's Life is based on
a memoir by author Tobias Wolff, which presents the a slice-of
life drama of his conflict as a rebellious teen with his overbearing,
tyrannical, and abusive stepfather.
(can be seen on cable TV - check listings) This video offers
the story of a verbally and physically abusive man who begins to
understand and change his attitudes and behaviors and goes on to
develop treatment programs for other abusive men.
Love Got to Do With It (Angela Bassett, Laurence Fishburne);
Touchstone Pictures (1993) This video is the story of Ike
and Tina Turner. It shows Ike "strung out"
on cocaine, flaunting an endless series of girlfriends, attempting
to control Tina's personal and professional life, and perpetrating
vicious verbal abuse and violent beatings on Tina through the course
of their relationship. The domestic abuse escalates, particularly
when Tina begins to come into her own as a singer and starts to
take more of the "show biz" spotlight than Ike, who feels
more and more inadequate and envious as a result.